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Jameela Jamil Explains What And Why We Should 'Tell Him'
Jameela Jamil - Tell Him. I first read this essay in the book ‘Feminists Don’t Wear Pink and Other Lies’ which was curated by Scarlett Curtis. It’s a collection of essays, poems and recounts by an array of inspirational women including activists, actresses, businesswomen and writers. From the first time I read it, Jameela’s essay always stood out as my favourite and made me think deeply about how we raise boys in our society, and how that impacts their opinions and views on women as they grow up.
She first triggered my deep thinking by speaking of how women can 'infiltrate misogyny from their own homes', without even realising it. She believes it stems from dangerous imagery, song lyrics, peer pressure and violent pornography that lacks intimacy. This creates for them toxic masculinity where they’re unable to show a sensitive and emotional side. She sees men as being brainwashed into an oppressive and patriarchal institution. I had never properly thought about how through primary socialisation, we allow the young boys in our lives to learn sexism and disrespect of women.
I felt immediately empowered when she made a call for mums, sisters and aunties to soak up the sponge that is a young boys brain with ‘humanity and an understanding of women’. All we have to do is tell him the truth, that we starved for human rights, fought for our right to vote, have an extreme tolerance for pain, and that in a primitive age we were able to learn, hunt and keep ourselves and our kin alive. In this particular age, men fear mongered women with physical power as we had no real need for them apart from for their semen. She instructed how we need to tell these boys of how women in a modern world work the same amount of hours with the same qualifications for less pay. To tell him how women are still massively oppressed in other countries where they’re forced into marriage with men they do not love.
She wants us to tell him to cry, talk about his feelings, and not be scared of seeming weak. For us to be empathetic. To make sure he confides in us from a young age so he will look at all women and see you, and therefore feel love and respect. To tell him about the fun pleasurable part of sex and enthusiastic consent. To tell him the history of the word NO and how it’s new to our vocabulary. Be his friend Be his teacher.
I strongly agree that if we all raised the young men in our lives this way, society would be an increasingly equal place. ‘Build a man who understands that we are only human and we have needs.’
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